That Conversation

My best friend had her first baby, Kenneth LeRoy Fox V, on August 20, 2011.  I'm not normally a baby person, but because I love Tracy (and her hubby is also a good friend), I love little Quinn (as the baby has been dubbed).  If I'm honest, he is an awfully cute little guy.

This event sparked the beginning of that conversation between my husby and I.  Why don't we go off birth control and try to get pregnant?  Are we ready for that?  Quinn is awfully cute...  We've talked about it back and forth since then, but we haven't come to any conclusions.  We don't have any plans.

The truth is that this whole idea terrifies me.  I'm not one of those girls who has dreamt of having children since she was a little girl.  I don't even really remember playing with dolls.  I was too busy playing outside, or playing with Legos and GI Joes and cars in the mud.  (Tom boy anyone?)  Up until sometime in college, I wasn't even sure I wanted kids at all.  It didn't appeal to me.  Instead of going gaga over babies, I went gaga over puppies.

So, when Adam and I started talking about having a child of our own, all of these thoughts resurfaced.  Do I want to have children?  I think so.  Yes.  I want to have a family.    A big family.  My dad had five siblings, and I love our crazy family gatherings.  On the other hand, do I want to go through pregnancy, labor, diapers, drool (disgusting!), and all that the first year of a child's life entails?  I don't know.  Honestly, pregnancy sounds awful.  Labor sounds excruciating.  I'm not a fan of pain.  I avoid it at all costs.  

I think the idea of adopting is a great one.  There are thousands (perhaps even millions) of children in this world who are homeless, who have no family, who need love.  I would be happy to take in a couple of those children (maybe more!) and make them ours.  I'm sure I would love them just as much as if they were biologically ours.  Children from far off places like Ethiopia, China, India, and Haiti appeal to me.

My husband wants to have children that are ours.  Really ours.  A melding of him and me into one new little being.  I understand that.  I really do.  I think our children will be adorable, especially if they inherit his wavy hair and my blue eyes.  His mom even mentioned the possibility of red headed offspring, and I'd like that too.  But have I mentioned that pregnancy and labor terrify me?  I'm afraid that I'll be horribly sick the entire pregnancy (because birth control pills make me sick).  I'm afraid that labor will be incredibly painful and that I'll end up having a dreaded c-section.  I've actually had nightmares about the doctors chasing me down the hall with giant scissors in order to cut me in half to deliver the baby.

I think it sounds good to adopt a baby of between 1 and 4 years old and start with a child who is already becoming a little person.  If we do that, I'll get to avoid most of the things about child rearing that scare me the most.  I was doing some research on adoption last night and unfortunately it can take between 2 and 4 years, and China requires the parents to be at least 30.  I'm only 26, and 2-4 years ( on top of waiting until I'm 30) sounds like an awfully long time to wait.

But, again, Adam wants a baby of our own.  So, I'm praying for wisdom from God to know what he has planned for us.  I'm praying that Adam and I will come to a meeting of the minds regarding children, and that we will both be ready when the time comes (whenever that is).